Survived the horrors of the USG Ishimura. Dead Space (2023) – completed.

Then changed my activity in free time to reading.
Now reading ある男.

My daughter is going to be 11 years old next month.
Still she don’t generate hate or offensiveness against me.
She even hug me still.
But I’m expecting the change for adolescent girl, because I know that’s the natural things as “knowledge”.

I still remember my behavior in 20s/30s.
But I wouldn’t do the same thing now, so I feel embarrassed just by remembering my past attitudes and behavior.

Busy with playing Dead Space via PC Gamepass which was discounted.

Finished reading ハロー・ワールド.

Very well covered IT as the fiction, though the main character’s capability and talent is boosted like hero.

it doesn’t happen frequently but I have some time today while working hour.
I’m usually able to find out the job I need to work on, but not much today.

It’s end of Sep, and whether is becoming cooler, and comfortable.
It’s good to play out side.

Yesterday I went to ドイツ村 with my family friends.
It was nice having fun time with close friends with whole family.

One concern is our daughters are growing and their preference and concept of value is being changed.
I would say, they are changing their everything as a whole according to their mental and physical development.

When they are in kindergarten and until maybe 3rd/4th grade in elementary school, my daughter and the daughter of another family was closest friend.
But their situation is being changed a bit.
The friend still love my daughter, but it’s becoming one direction.

The situation may change again at any time in the future.
But I and we have to adapt to this kind of change.
It’s kind of sad, but nothing stays the same in time.

Turned the last page of むらさきのスカートの女.

Have read in a row after “こちらあみ子”.

Everything is running smoothly, and it should seem that way to the outside eye, but I feel like I’ve come much closer to the hardship.
As we age, even if the concept of work itself does not change, the existence of work in my life is being transformed.
Such a perception was not very clear, even within myself, until the 40s.
It would be different for different people.

Or it’s already ended?
But I can feel somewhat comfortable whether comparing with mid-summer, so my feeling is it’s ending.

Yen is being weak. This is important as large part of my asset is share of my company in dollar base and my company’s share is not doing well.
Maybe changing the job can be good option, but it’s bothering to change the environment.
And there’s no guarantee that next company is better as a whole.
On the other hand, my take is it’s very difficult to keep the salary level in Japan.

And I got used to remote working during these 4-5 years.
Now changing this work style will be a big change in my daily life.

I guess I adjusted myself to the life itself.
And getting bored more.
What new will come to my life where the time and resource is limited for precious my daughters.
Obviously I need to change my view otherwise not good.
I don’t think it’s fatal like depression, but at least it will be not good.

While I stayed at my wife’s home town, I read 2 books and watched 1 Netflix drama series.

なめらかな世界と、その敵 is the one and which is collection of short stories for science fiction.
Very well written and full of great idea.
But unfortunately I’m not capable enough to explain nicely.

Another one is 成瀬は天下を取りにいく.
I love that story where Naruse is behaving a bit strange but attracting.
The balance is great between her humanity and non-human like part.
If there’s no humanity at all, that living thing is more like animal and no more interesting.

Umbrella academy is the drama series and it’s 4th series which will be final.
But it’s a bit disappointing. I wanted to see the good ending with the characters in the TV series.

From tomorrow, I need to go back to work.
I need money to retire from work.

My company will be restructuring for the 2nd time this year.

This is quite bad news.
We have lost the people of 4% in Feb.
Then we will lose 7% of people in my company this time.

Company performance factor which will be directly used for calculation on bonus is worst in this 20 years.
Only good thing is the price of share is going a bit high based on the news and conference call.

I love my company as working environment is good and compensation is very competitive.
I will need to expect decreasing of my salary when I change my job.

Maybe I can survive this time, as restructuring itself is the event almost every year.
But I strongly hope the improvement of my situation in the company especially when I survive the harsh restructuring as I will be the kind of winner, and I’m not the non-contributor to the company.

Taking 11 days off as Obon vacation and still I have remaining 3 days.

Situation of August is a bit different from last year.
Usually my wife and daughters went back her home town at end of July, and I can enjoy single like about 1 week.

But my elder daughter has private tutor.
And she can only take days off in Obon week.
So we went back to my home town together at first, then moved to my wife’s home town, and stayed 6 days.

This couldn’t be helped as my daughter is growing and staying in parent’s home town long will be unnatural more and more.
But I miss the feeling of staying in my home like single.

We went to beach in this Sunday with family friends.
Preparing all the wear and stuff is quite bothering especially to my wife, but feeling she on the beach is one of the greatest experience.
But this time, there’s a lot of Yakuza visited to Moriya kaigan.
It was scared a bit.

I understand there’s no “meaning” in the world as we, human being, just discover the meaning from a lot of things.
If there’s death of people, we discover the meaning and especially people who close to the deceased will find out huge and wide meaning for the event.

But if all the people died, no one will find out the meaning.
It’s just nothing.

I understand the logic, but on the other hand, we are the living animal automatically discovering the meaning.
Not finding out the meaning is not possible as it just means we need to have complete control on our emotion and instinct.

This contradiction itself is the joy of life, and also struggle and pain of life.
I just wanted to be freed up but I don’t want to the any experience which cause pain or fear.