I’m running low on cash. This is mainly due to RSU and ESPP, which are considered part of my salary, but aren’t liquid cash until I sell them. Currently, two-thirds of my income is RSU/ESPP, so my available money is decreasing continuously.

The estimated tax prepayment is approaching, and I need to credit 60 million JPY to my bank account by
July 31st. To do this, I need to sell my stocks.

I’m not a good investor, so I invested 1 million JPY in an individual stock, but the performance has not been good. Just around 5% return in this 1 year, including dividends.

A significant portion of my assets is my company’s stock, but selling it bothers me because I need to complete all the necessary tasks for next year’s tax return.

All this is due to not having enough liquidity.

As it’s calm and silent, it can be confused as if nothing is happening.
But the reality is that all these things are happening.
I was reading books, watching some videos on U-Next with a free trial, and doing all the trivial stuff needed for living.

My wife and daughter are talking to family in her hometown via LINE as a video call.
It’s convenient and is being leveraged and taken for granted.

I’m reading books about the telegraph from 1850-.
It’s amazing to know that old people made an effort to create the fundamental part of the current internet and telecommunication.

I’ll need to have a contract with a mobile service to give a telephone number to my younger daughter soon.
Gradually, she is becoming capable of using the mobile and the internet.

I check the “#買ってよかったもの” tag on note.com every day, searching for anything attractive or justifiable purchases. Still, I haven’t found anything yet. Because of that, I can’t figure out a way to use my 53 million yen points, which I’ve accumulated from various colleagues over the past four years or so.

Tools are just tools, and stuff is just stuff. They can be helpful for our purposes or for the things we want to do. But the important point here is what we’ve done and what we want to do, because our behaviors and actions shape our lives.

I’m currently just spending my life working, looking after my family, reading books, and playing games. However, I think the way I feel about it can change. It’s about whether I’m just spending my life, or truly enjoying it by doing those things.

The weekdays were a bit hectic with multiple events and escalations.

I’m delighted with the compensation and work environment.
But still, I can feel stress, surely.

The things are very, very complex.
No one knows if I stop working, then I can be happy or not.
There are various angles and perspectives, including financial, rewarding, life, self-development, and time usage, among others.

So there’s no magic decision that can solve everything in my life.
I can understand it as I’m maturing.
But that understanding itself doesn’t solve anything naturally.

So this is fate for humans and for me at least.

Monday is the biggest challenge of every week.
I’m always forced to consider and imagine if I can get through Monday.
My work makes me feel like that.

Every time I can get through and survive, even with tough tasks and jobs.
So I don’t need to worry about myself and my work.
But in reality, I feel some stress.

Fortunately, I was able to maintain good mental and physical health.
I hope that will remain the same.

But I wish I could graduate from the labor I’m working on.
If I can earn the same amount of money with an easy and less stressful job, that’s also welcome.

My elder daughter did a theft from my and my wife’s wallet.
The sum is nearly 30k yen, and it’s not a small money.

She did it in Wendnesday and I felt something odd in Friday, and my wife also found strangeness in her purse today.
Then we tried to find the money, and we found it in the desk of my daughter.

It’s quite a sensitive issue.
Any crime is serious and will have a significant impact on the trust and credibility.
I tried to let her understand by explaining it.

I think just shouting and yelling at her is not making sense.
She is 11 years old and she needs to understand deeply from her heart.

I really want to be a kind and supportive father to her.
It will/should be a baseline for her life.

Since I faced the fact that my last day is gradually coming closer, I further consider I shouldn’t practice restraint too much.
Curbing my desire deeply will not make much sense, as I can’t live forever.
And I can’t take my assets/money with me when I die.

I have points given by my company’s thanks system, and it’s equal to about 500k yen.
I decided to use this freely.

But even with that, I didn’t buy anything.
I wanted a MacBook Air, but even with all these conditions, it didn’t make me buy it.

It seems my desire is too weak to live happily.

I took 8 days off as Golden Week, but the private tutoring school only has 3 days off for my older daughter.
This time we went back to my hometown and stayed 2 nights.

I came to know that my maternal grandmother had some sickness on her heart condition in the past.
Her sister was the same as well.

Now it makes more sense why sometimes I feel strong pain in the center of my chest.
It’s a genetic issue.

One assuring fact is that all of those people live until their 90s.
It shouldn’t be the reason for the fatal situation for me at an early stage of my life.

At least, I want to live until I am 60.

Exchanged emails with my past colleagues in the US and Australia.
It was good to say hi to people I’m close to.

The challenge is that it’s an email, and we can’t know the facial expression and exact mood.
It’s hard to be sure how the recipients accepted the email.
This is a common challenge even when communicating in one’s native language, especially between boys and girls.

If I had more time, I could spend more time on those email exchanges.
But even as the initiator, it’s difficult for me to spend more time.

One of my colleagues suggested a book in English.
“I tried reading it, but stumbled at the first hurdle within the first few lines because I didn’t understand the meaning of ‘go the whole hog’.
There are a lot of words and idioms whose meaning I don’t know.

But anyway, if you don’t try it, you will not be able to do it easily in future.

I ordered a new washing machine.
I originally thought to make use of Rakuten points, which reached about 50000 points.

It’s not cheap at all, and the cost is 200k+ yen.
Usable cache is reducing recently due to the Trump shock, but I still believe it’s affordable.

In addition to that, soon 1.2M yen will be withdrawn from my account due to the income tax return.
It should be good, as those taxes will grow based on the amount of income.
But it’s a bit hard to sell the stocks due to the recent economic turmoil.

Anyway, this is the first front-loading washing machine and I hope it will be much convenient for my wife.
It has a dryer incorporated and should expedite the whole process of washing.

Probably the next big purchase is a new refrigerator.
It should also be convenient for my family.