It was time to refresh my company laptop.
I went with the 14-inch MBP M5 Pro this time, as its processing power is more than enough, even coming from an M2 Pro.

It really feels snappy and fast.
That said, for purely home use, the 16-inch model might have been better with its spacious, practical display.
Still, I’m very satisfied—a 500g weight difference makes a huge difference when carrying two or more devices.

On another note. As my elder daughter grows older, she is becoming noticeably more independent.
At the same time, she still depends heavily on us, her parents, in many aspects of life.

I fully realize that everyone is their own person and inherently beyond anyone else’s control.
That also means it’s possible for ties to break, even within a family.

My fear is that if I fail to guide her through some crucial decisions, I might end up feeling like giving up on her.

It’s a trade-off. If I believe I can reach her, I’ll keep trying, though it might feel like a nightmare to her.
If I give up trying to guide her, she might drift beyond my influence—and that could be a tragedy for the family.

I’ve started keeping a physical diary.
It’s a bit of a curious feeling, but whenever I sit down to write, topics just come up on their own.
Space is quite limited, too—just five lines maximum each day.

Anyway, I’m really glad I bought it. I just want to stick with it.

I might need to check my diary for the topis here, but my ankle still hurts when I walk.
It’s much better now, but not fully recovered even after 15 days.
On the other hand, a scab on my knee came off today, which also took 15 days to heal.
It takes longer to recover as I get older.

It is now the end of August, and summer is drawing to a close.
I returned to my hometown with my daughters, riding in the Green Car on the Shinkansen.
It was their first time riding the bullet train, and my first time in the Green Car as well.

I hadn’t realized how crowded the bullet train gets on Saturday mornings, so when I tried to book on Friday, standard seats were already sold out.
As a result, I ended up booking the Green Car at an extra cost.

Though it is just a two-day trip, I believe it means a great deal to my parents and grandmother to spend time with their granddaughters.

On the first day, I tripped and twisted my ankle badly.
The twist itself wasn’t the worst part, but I happened to be carrying my daughter in my arms when it happened.
It was a terrifying moment, but fortunately, she wasn’t hurt at all.

Since she is already in the second grade, opportunities to carry her like this will likely become fewer and fewer, but I definitely need to watch my step from now on.

Time flew, and summer vacation was over in the blink of an eye.

In the end, I headed to my wife’s hometown, traveling solo via my own hometown and Nagoya.
I spent two nights in my hometown, one night in Nagoya, and then made my way to Nagano through Nakatsugawa in Gifu—all using a mix of the bullet train and local lines.

It was wonderful. Traveling alone is something I hadn’t been able to enjoy for the past decade.

I also visited Sugamo and relaxed at a spa facility there. It was a true hidden gem.

It’s hard to put into words, but I genuinely feel this trip made a meaningful impact on me.
From a broader perspective, it might seem like nothing special, but to me, it meant a lot.
It gave me the quiet time I needed to reflect on everything.

I’d love to keep up this hobby of strolling around different towns. That’s where I find true freedom.

My wife and daughters went back to my wife’s hometown.
So from Friday, I’m living alone.

It’s been 3 hears from last single life, so I forgot how to live alone.

This time, I went out without deciding on a destination.
On the train, I thought about the possible places to visit, and I came up with Kichijoji.
Kichijoji is famous, but I haven’t visited the site in my life.

While moving to the site, I checked and learned some recommended cafes, ramen shops, etc.
I also came to know that Inokashira Park is located there.

I spent about the whole day in Kichijoji, and enjoyed the Saturday, though the hot temperature was very tough.

Today, on Sunday, I just came to Kawasaki also without deciding on a plan.
I went to Starbucks and ate biryani for lunch, then hung around the shops.

This is one thing I’m not able to do when my family is there.
Probably, a two-day trip to Atami is another thing I can consider.

My wife dislikes going to my hometown and visiting my parents, even for just a three-night stay.
It’s difficult for me to understand.

It’s definitely troublesome. If we don’t visit together, my parents will notice something is wrong.
I just want us to pretend to be a happy family.

If she doesn’t come with me to my hometown, I can’t go either, as I believe in fairness—even though I like staying at her parents’ place.
If I don’t go, her parents will feel something is off, and that frustration will gradually build up. I just want to avoid any drama. Anyway, it is what it is.

On the other hand, I get to have some time to myself again this summer.
That’s one good thing, and I’m going to enjoy it.

Whenever I try to explain “nomikai” in English, I get a bit confused because a direct translation doesn’t seem appropriate due to cultural differences. Highlighting the drinking aspect of the gathering feels a little awkward.

Anyway, I had dinner with my former colleagues last week and the week before last. I enjoyed it, and I hope everyone I talked with felt the same.

On the other hand, I also have some regrets, as I feel I must have done something embarrassing due to my drunkenness.
Embarrassment seems inevitable in life, and I feel that this anxiety intensifies after social gatherings involving alcohol.

I wonder if I will eventually start declining invitations to these dinners one day.
Usually, I forget these feelings as time passes and accept future invitations anyway.

I also believe that socializing itself is helpful for my work.
I report to a global organization and need to develop relationships with colleagues in other departments in any way I can.

So, it’s a bit complex.

I’m feeling the need to develop a thicker skin more and more, day by day.

At work, I must say what I believe is right, and it needs to be said.
I need to keep repeating the right things until they are understood.
And that can be tough.

If I’m too delicate and sensitive, I might give up on raising tough questions.
But my position doesn’t allow me to do so.

I shouldn’t care about others’ reactions too much in those cases.
I need to be numb, or sort of a psychopath.

This is also important for being a father and a reliable husband.
This is because the most important thing is to ensure that the right and required things are done.
Worrying and overthinking will only hinder me from taking action.

The challenging part is that it’s not easily controlled since it’s tied to our emotion.
Emotion is uncontrollable.
That’s why some people suffer from depression due to stress.

There are no clear answers for this type of reflection.
It’s up to me, and it’s my life.

On the other hand, I also feel that living one’s own life is not so difficult.
After all, we are forced to live our own lives, with or without hoping for it, like most people living in modern society.

Just couldn’t find any spare time to write anything down.
Working, reading, playing games, and taking care of my family.

I’ll turn 43 tomorrow.
My only concern is my health.
I’m not sure what my hopes are.

I keep working out at the gym weekly to maintain my health. Eating brown rice and skipping rice for dinner helps with that. Still, dreaming while sleeping is the most enjoyable part of my day. I wonder if my whole life would be different if that impossible past love had been realized.

I will turn 43 in June. I believe my life is already halfway through.


I want to buy a Windows laptop, specifically a 13-inch one.
I don’t have any specific use case, so it might be a waste of money.

But my current laptop is a 15-inch MacBook Air, and it’s a bit bulky for carrying around.
And I can’t play games that are only supported on Windows using it.

Unfortunately, it’s not a good time to buy.
Due to the price hike in memory, the price of a laptop is also increasing.


As Golden Week was over, I’ll not have any extra days off by holiday until late July.
I started to feel that a day off is very important, especially after getting older.
Probably I was strong enough in my 30s when I was able to resist pressure and stress.
Time was still abundant when I was young.

The concept of value keeps changing.


We took a family photo at a photo studio.
We will have Shichi-Go-San for my younger daughter, so we wanted to have a pre-event photoshoot.
This will be the last Shichi-Go-San event for my family.